Home Astrology Astrological Forecasting The Sycophant – Half Seven – Tortilla!

The Sycophant – Half Seven – Tortilla!

The Sycophant – Half Seven – Tortilla!


george carlinCatch up right here – Half one – Introducing The Gamers

A number of years handed. I used to be twenty-six and I’d left town. I used to be in a grocery retailer in my new little city of 30,000 doing my Frito gig. I used to be the Frito Woman. I drove a route truck and I used to be pissed off.

I used to be standing within the chip aisle of a grocery retailer and I noticed the brand new Tortilla Chip man needed to have a bit tango. One other beginner to interrupt in, what a tiresome hassle.

Right here’s a crash course in “grocery retailer” for individuals who don’t know. Shelf area in a grocery retailer is extremely wanted. It’s whored out by the foot by the varied chains and each inch of it’s prized. My area is my area and the subsequent guys, is the subsequent guys. If you wish to begin a combat you crowd your stuff into the opposite gross sales rep’s area.

On today I used to be already in a cranky temper for no motive I can recall. I got here within the retailer and located somebody’s one shit in my area. Like George Carlin says: “My stuff is my stuff, and their stuff is their shit. Transfer your shit, so I can put my stuff…” I smashed the baggage of tortilla chips.


I smashed a few of them anyway and this was by design. It’s the skilled approach to deal with this sort of scenario. So mentioned my boss with twenty-seven years within the enterprise.

He’d proven me the ropes round defending my area in opposition to anybody encroaching and placing their shit the place my stuff is meant to be. He mentioned, you need to assert your self instantly to ship a transparent message to the competitors. You’re intending to make use of all of the area your organization has paid for and there can be penalties if anybody needs to play video games.

However there’s some finesse concerned. It’s important to smash to an acceptable diploma. You possibly can’t overdo it otherwise you threat beginning a chip battle. These can get ugly they usually’re anathema to the aim. When smashing the competing product you need to depart discover however be sufficiently subtle you may blame a consumer if confronted.

“Who? Me? Somebody’s child will need to have executed that? Damned children.” Like that. And it must be defensible. You by no means know when the opposite gross sales rep might go whining to the shop supervisor who’s hip to those sorts of issues. Should you’re a psycho with a razor knife and greasy potato chip crumbs unfold over three aisles, you then’re gonna be in hassle.

As a substitute you need the supervisor to say one thing like “Keep in your individual area and also you gained’t have to scrub up subsequent time”, earlier than she or he walks away leaving your foe defeated. That is the way it’s executed within the nation the place I labored. Metropolis folks could also be extra civilized, I actually don’t know.

ding dongsHowever anyway, right here comes the Donut Man. The distributors all knew one another in fact. I used to be the Frito Woman, he was the Donut Man and having heard me growling he came visiting to speak. He indicated the tortilla chips I simply smashed.

“That’s the brand new man. He’s comin’ out of town,” he mentioned. “In all probability thinks he’s some form of a hotshot eh, Elsa? You understand how these metropolis boys are. He’s working the tortillas on the back-end too and he was on the lookout for you. He was asking in regards to the Frito Man,” he mentioned with a chuckle. I seethed.

“So he’s on the lookout for hassle you imply? Is he attempting to piss me off? Did you inform him I wasn’t a person?” This was again within the outdated days when Frito ladies have been uncommon as hen’s enamel.

“No. I figured you’d inform him fast sufficient and I assumed I’d watch.” He laughed. “He’s on the market within the parking zone proper now I believe. You possibly can most likely catch him.”

Was he egging me on? In fact he was however I didn’t thoughts. I’m an entertainer and the Donut Man favored my present.

“Yeah, he’s on the market. He’s received the white trailer. Seems model new. Are you gonna go kick his ass?”

Effectively, yeah. I most likely would kick his ass. I used to be going to do one thing that’s for positive. I assumed I may need a bit PMS. This occurred to me however in no matter case, I sprinted out to the parking zone. I needed to catch this man earlier than this become an actual downside. As a result of if he was already executed on this retailer it meant he was main me. He was forward of me on the route and the very last thing I wanted was him pulling this stunt in every retailer down the highway. If he did that I used to be going to have a really dangerous day and I used to be already not precisely pleased because it was. I made a decision to deal with this instantly.

I took off and Donut Man adopted. He wasn’t kidding. He actually did plan to look at and it was positive with me. Give him one thing to speak about the remainder of the day.

I noticed the man throughout the parking zone of the shop, he was closing the again doorways to his trailer. There was nobody round, it was about 7AM within the small city after I yelled at him throughout the parking zone from the entrance of the shop. I yelled loud too, the one method I understand how to yell, being Italian and all.


He circled, wanting embarrassed. “Me?” he requested, pointing to himself.

I marched over to him, no hello, no nothing. “What the hell are you doing in my area?” I requested, him as if he should be one dreaming son-of-a-bitch to assume he might pull this.

“I’m not in your area,” he mentioned.


“Then it’s a mistake. That is my first day down right here,” he mentioned. “I most likely regarded on the schematic fallacious. Why don’t we return in and you’ll present me…”

Uh oh. The boy was sane and I used to be embarrassed. “Er. Okay. Sorry I yelled. Let’s go then, I’ll present you.” We headed into the shop.

“Hey, are you Elsa?” he requested, speaking as we walked.

“Yeah, I’m Elsa. How’d you realize? I assumed you thought I used to be a person. That’s what the Donut Man mentioned.” I mentioned, nonetheless feeling a bit cagey.

“Oh, I used to be asking for the Frito Man, that’s why. I didn’t know this was your retailer. I assumed you labored cities x,y and z.”

“Yeah, I did. I used to. This can be a new route. How do you know that?”

He laughed. “Everybody is aware of about you.”

I used to be shocked. He advised me he was suggested within the metropolis to go to the nation and “discover Elsa”. Oh actually? I used to be flattered and I made a decision I favored the man.

“Yep. I heard that there was a lady down right here named, Elsa, and that she was operating the present.”

Now that was a bit thick. I regarded over at him with one eye squinted however I couldn’t inform if he was fucking with me or not and I favored it. I nodded to acknowledge his prowess and laughed a bit. He smiled and squinted again at me and it made me chuckle. That is the form of man I like. One who jerks my chain.

“I didn’t know you have been such a hothead although. Jesus. Nobody advised me that. Somebody ought to have warned me,” he mentioned, pulling his arms up, mock cowering.

“Yeah, nicely I’m in dangerous temper immediately. I believe it’s my interval really. I crushed your chips, Tortilla. I did crush a few of your chips,” I mentioned, confessing.

“Punch first, ask questions later?” He laughed after which coughed. “How dangerous is it? Did you rip them open or simply crush them calmly?”

“A few of each,” I mentioned. “Crush, mash, twist…”

“I see. You don’t screw round a lot do you? Can I purchase you a cup of espresso…?”

Tortilla would come from town a pair instances per week and we grew to become pleasant as friends. We have been each single when most individuals doing our jobs weren’t. We additionally shared a humorousness.

wedding rings

A 12 months handed and I married. Tortilla continued to deal with me the identical method put up my wedding ceremony when others didn’t. This raised his inventory much more. Six months handed and he requested me in earnest what it was prefer to be married. He needed to know if I favored it and so forth. It appears he was considering proposing to some gal. I inspired him.

Just a few extra months handed and he did grow to be fortunately engaged. His fiance would journey his route with him from time to time however I by no means met her. Dangerous timing, we simply didn’t collide. After lacking one another a number of instances we made particular plans to hook up on the route. We’d meet on Wednesday in Safeway, at 7:30 am.

I used to be within the Safeway working a junky little waste-of-my-time chip rack by the deli after I noticed them are available. Boy, she was cute. That’s what I assumed regardless that I might barely see her. I wanted glasses for distance however I didn’t understand it but. I couldn’t actually see throughout the shop.

Tortilla waved from the entrance and headed within the different course towards his product on the back-end. His gal pal approached me on her personal, I famous her independence and I favored her already.  She got here nearer however I nonetheless couldn’t see.

“Elsa, is that you simply? It’s! I assumed it is perhaps you when, Tortilla mentioned your identify. It’s me. Do you acknowledge me? Mary Ann?”

My jaw dropped. “Mary Ann? Effectively, I do now.”

All of it got here collectively in my head suddenly. Tortilla mentioned she had two useless husbands. We’d joked about it!  Would he be corpse quantity three? He additionally mentioned she was extremely cute. Oh man. Tortilla advised me she’d made him promise to not die. The symphony that performed in in my head at that second was astounding.

“How are you?” I requested. It was the primary time I’d really spoken to her immediately, in a private method.

“I’m good. I’m getting married,” she mentioned smiling. She actually was fairly. Even prettier than she was and I didn’t know what to say. “Tortilla advised me you bought married. Do you ever speak to Lover Boy?” she requested.

I gulped and had a bit nervous chuckle. “Sure, I’m married and no. I’ve not talked to Lover Boy since…”

“Have you learnt what occurred with him?” she requested.

“No. No, I don’t.”

“Effectively, I do”, she mentioned smiling. “He and Cruella received married.”

I chuckled.

“Sure. They did. Are you able to consider it? Everybody was shocked. They received married…hmm…it was about two years after you left. Nevertheless it was a mistake. It didn’t work out. They solely stayed married for a few 12 months.”


“Sure. Cruella thought he married her for her cash. Are you able to consider that?”

“Sure I can. He all the time was considering her cash. I figured they’d wind up collectively due to that.”

“Actually?” She regarded fully shocked. “You can inform that about him? I assumed he was a very nice man however after what I’ve heard from Cruella I’ve modified my thoughts about that. I heard what you probably did. You walked out on him and nobody knew why. Everyone talked about that for a very long time. Is that why you probably did it? Since you sensed this about him?”

“Yeah. I went to see Bo Diddley. I needed to see Bo Diddley that day and he’s not Lover Boy’s sort. I figured if I stayed with him I might by no means get to see, Bo Diddley,” I mentioned, smiling lopsidedly.

She checked out me rigorously. “And also you have been happier with out him?”

“Proper,” I nodded with a chuckle. “Sure, I used to be. I’m, I imply. Sure, I used to be executed with him, I’d had sufficient.”

“I see.”

She smiled as if one thing made sense and I famous how authentically good she was.  And he or she regarded very peaceable. I might see Tortilla’s hand on this. She regarded really pleased and I had a heat feeling for her.

“Effectively Cruella feels the identical method,” she mentioned.  “She’s happier with out him too however you knew that, huh? You knew he needed her cash?”

“Effectively, yeah. He was all the time considering her cash. Finally I made a decision to only get out of the way in which so he might have it.”

Mary ann

“I’ll have to inform her that. I’ve a brand new job however I nonetheless speak to her from time to time. She’s nonetheless doing the identical as all the time. She has hassle with males. She positive had a variety of hassle with Lover Boy. You’re very fortunate you bought out. He turned out to be not that good an individual, Elsa. He received a great deal of her cash you realize.”

Hmm.  She thought Cruella was a sufferer. I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t say something.

“Effectively, I’m glad I received to fulfill you once more. I’m going to go assist my fiancé,” she mentioned, smiling vast on the phrase, “fiancé”.  “Do you ever come to town? Should you do, you need to drop by and see Tortilla and I. Possibly we will exit or one thing. He doesn’t have a variety of associates. I’s simply the way in which he’s. I believe it’s as a result of he’s from the East Coast however he thinks the world of you, Elsa. He likes you a large number.”

I couldn’t consider what she simply mentioned. I used to be flattered re: Tortilla, however I vividly recalled what occurred final time I used to be out with Mary Ann! I might by no means tempt destiny by going out together with her and a husband once more. I smiled and thanked her for the invitation.

“I like him too. He’s a fantastic man. He’s a variety of enjoyable and he’s in love with you. Congratulations.”

“Thanks. It’s actually good to see you once more,” she mentioned. She paused and I assumed she was honest. “Life is basically attention-grabbing isn’t it?” she mentioned with a twinkling eye.

“Yeah, good to see you and I respect the replace,” I mentioned with a snort. “And life is attention-grabbing all proper.” I smiled and regarded her within the eye to say good bye as a result of I didn’t think about I’d see her once more.

“I’ll inform Cruella you mentioned whats up. I hope I see you once more, Elsa.”

I smiled and nodded and she or he excused herself. She turned and left to go assist Tortilla. Mary Ann the enigma, I haven’t seen her since.

Quickly after this, Tortilla bought his route. I by no means noticed him once more both. He was nice and she or he’d certainly paid her dues. My guess is he helped her increase her children they usually’re nonetheless collectively.

The Finish



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